Resolutions

It's time to do end-of-year lists, right?














Here's what I liked this year:

• half-assed bullet journalling
• Skipper's bangs
• better lighting
• liquor in my coffee*
• yuppie salads for lunch
• my favorite co-workers
• no screens after 9pm** 
• bridges over the Willamette
• The Good Place & Schitt's Creek
• music on demand

Here's what we expect and/or hope for in 2019:

• Scandinavian adventures
• Skipper wraps up her first decade
• Duchess starts high school
• I get a new job 
• Cook gets a new job

So... here's to 2019. Let's see what it holds.

*Only occasionally, to be clear.

** One of my sleep-improvement efforts that I can actually manage to usually do...

Christmas!

The girls and I went to Seattle to see the Rockstars and my mom before Christmas, and returned to have Christmas proper with Cook and Papa Big Cook.





















































































































































































































































































































































































































Cook bought Skipper refill pellets for her beanbag chair, and the refilling process amused me enormously. Notice Skipper lying on the floor, enjoying her holiday sloth very thoroughly.

photo dump

We are very busy! (Not with anything interesting, to clarify.) Okay, Cook and I are busy. The kids are not. Duchess has to go work out at the boathouse every day, but otherwise there's been a lot of this:

We bought a perfect little tree. I think it's our best yet.

I forgot to report that Duchess made it into the last seat in the worst boat to go to San Diego

And she had to wear a unisuit!

Been a while

Yup. I don’t have much to say, these days. It’s dark and rainy and cold, and I’m pretty short on vacation days. However, there’s a new season of The Good Place on, it’s almost time to set up the Christmas tree, and the Month of Sugar Cookies is upon us. The girls are playing Minecraft together in the living room like the modern children they are, but they’re actually getting along and mildly enjoying each other’s company, so that’s a rare and delightful treat. (“Oops,” says Duchess, “I just pissed off a dolphin.”

The girls are thriving. Duchess is struggling with relationships and identity as all 14-year-olds should, with some painful moments, but generally she’s thriving. She’s still rowing, still loves rowing. (It’s the off-season now, so instead of rowing six days a week, she goes to the boathouse six days a week to row on a rowing machine, lift weights and do other fun workout things.) Skipper is finding some ease in fourth grade, with teachers who aren’t scary, and seems to be feeling more comfortable with making mistakes and trying new things. Cook and I are slogging along with work, both feeling a combination of bored and wildly under-qualified, depending on the moment.

This is Duchess flauting in a parade. It was cold. And also pretty boring.

 This is me in Pittsburgh for a work conference. I really liked Pittsburgh; I spent all my extra time not chit-chatting with other participants, but poking around Pittsburgh by myself. Schmoozing has never been a strong point of mine, but that just means more time riding funiculars, so whatevs.

Halloween

Duchess did not trick or treat. She went to a friend's house to give out candy. She had a great time.

Skipper trick or treated as a pirate. Cook went out with her, and he said she chose to go not to the blocks that had many lit-up houses, where the sidewalks were teeming with kids, but to the quiet empty blocks with one or two houses open for business. She didn't want to be seen by the kids. She got plenty of loot, though.

So, rowing. (Or, I'm going out now and I may be some time.)

I don't know if Duchess's passion for rowing will last. But it is real passion. Every weekday she hustles out of school so she can catch a ride (with the family of a teammate) to the river, where she rows for two hours. Then she takes the bus home, eats dinner, showers, does her homework, texts (her rowing friends) as long as she can get away with it, and goes to bed. Every Saturday morning she gets up at 6:30 to take the bus to the river to row for 3 hours. She talks incessantly about pieces and ergs and strokes and 2Ks and the 3V and 4V boats. (Her goal is to get a place in the 4V boat so she can go to a regatta in San Diego; they're only taking the top four boats. Odds aren't great.)

I think this is great, mostly. She's outside, on the water,* moving her body, for hours a day. She's learning how hard she can work, a boundary she's never even come close to testing before, and that's incredibly valuable. Crew is (as I predicted, because I'm so good at parenting) basically perfect for her because it's all team. Your performance is your boat's performance, and it depends on your teammates and your ability to work together. All her life, Duchess has wanted to be part of a real team, to be part of effective and difficult collaborative work to achieve a shared goal. This is pretty much her dream.

I went to the "novice parents meeting" and listened the head coach talk about rowing, and everything he said made me think "Okay, THIS is why she likes this." He says rowing is a sport of repetition, and you get better mostly by doing a lot of rowing. He says that it's totally fine for kids to come to one or two practices a week, and some kids do that, but they just won't get much better, and they won't earn a place in the better boats. He says "there is no sacrifice; there are only choices." When Duchess's boat got first place in a race, and all the kids got medals to hang around their necks, her coach made them put their medals under their shirts so they wouldn't seem like they were gloating. There's an antiquated and certainly un-American emphasis on cheerful humility and endurance,** plus straightforwardness, grit and commitment to the team. Plus a little cult of personality around the head coach, who would totally have gone on Scott's Antarctic expedition and has zero interest in bullying or manipulating kids, but also zero patience for excuses or whining.

And she's achieving some initial success, in spite of being not terribly strong or fit, for the same reason she's at least a little good at everything; she pays attention, a deeply under-rated skill.  This is a sport where paying attention and putting in the hours can get you pretty far. I don't know when she'll run up against her limits (of strength, of physical geometry, of sheer grit) and see other kids advance past her, and I don't know how she'll respond when that happens. She may just lose interest; there may not be sacrifices, but the choice to spend 20 hours a week doing one thing is a hard choice when you're a person who is interested in most everything. In the meantime, though, I'm enjoying watching her dive into this.

*It's really cool, being down on the river. Even just walking down to the dock gives me a little thrill; seeing Portland from its river is so different, and you're reminded that hey, there's nature here. Duchess spends an astonishing amount of time travelling back and forth under all the bridges, experiencing her city in a way that most people never do.
**I think of Apsley Cherry-Garrard almost every time I have to listen to Duchess talk about rowing longer than 90 seconds. 

Fall vacation

First, an interlude. Duchess took these photos while escorting Skipper and a friend. The cat is Velvet Elvis, a neighbor, hanging out on our front steps contemplating the last of the Portland sunshine.

A three-day weekend adventure, for us, is pretty exhausting. We're a pretty bad driving family, and we also need time to do nothing built into the schedule. So this mini-vacation was a bit of a stretch for us, without enough down time, but we had fun regardless.

On Friday afternoon, we picked up Duchess at school and hit the road. She was mad at us, for some 13-year-old reason, and was an ass most of the way to Seattle.
















We spent Friday night in Seattle to hang with the Rock Star family and attended a celebratory picnic in honor of Momotaro's third birthday. I got to snuggle Ume the baby (who no longer sleeps ALL the time, but still sleeps MOST of the time) a lot, and that was delicious. Skipper got to spend time with her beloved Momotaro, and when we left, she wept bitterly in the car for half an hour.

We drove to Whidbey Island on Saturday afternoon, which included a ferry ride. We stayed in a vacation rental in Freeland two nights, and poked around Whidbey on Sunday. It was cold and grey, but lovely nonetheless. We had a pretty good time; the girls stopped fighting a few times long enough to enjoy each other's company. I experienced sciatica for the first time,* which makes sense because I'm getting super-old.

Here's where we stayed - right on the bay in Freeland. This is not a picture of the water, or of us taking advantage of the water, but it captures the zeitgeist of our vacation approach in general.

We went kayaking late one evening, and Duchess made friends with a seal.

Fort Casey, where everybody else went up in the lighthouse and took a picture of me way down on the ground, where I feel happiest. The girls had a lot of fun together here, for no particular reason. You'll notice Duchess is laughing a lot in these photos. That's genuine. When she's not being a sulky jerk,** she's delightfully easy to please, and she generously laughs at every one's jokes.

Coupeville, where we ate an enormous lunch.

Deception Pass, where we walked up to a terrifying bridge with a spectacular view, and also stopped on the beach to be reminded that Duchess's rock-skipping technique has not improved.

On Monday, we caught a ferry to Port Townsend. The kids (said they) saw a whale.

And then we went home. We had to, because Duchess was pretty mad about missing rowing practice Friday afternoon and Saturday morning, so we had to get her back for Monday afternoon practice, because she's trying to secure a good position in the boat before a regatta. (Or something. There's a lot of boring droning-on about rowing around here these days, and I'm trying to maintain a protective veneer of ignorance.***) Anyway, we got her back, and now life is back to normal, such as that is!

*It passed. I'm fine. But the kids really enjoyed me howling "ow my ass!" and clutching my hip/butt every time we got back in the car.
** You do not want me to get started on this topic.
*** Rowing has eaten Duchess. In the few hours when she's not actually at rowing practice, she's texting her rowing friends or following me around talking about rowing. I have never loved a sport even a fraction as much as she loves this. I hardly love ANYTHING as much as she loves this.
****You might get a letter from Duchess soon, fundraising for rowing. Sorry about that; they make her do it.