The endless well of procrastination
Some procrastinators procrastinate up to a certain point, and then get seriously down to business. I, however, am special! I never get down to business. I just procrastinate right up to the bitter end, produce something completely half-assed, and hope for the best. So instead of writing up a brilliant report on the statistical analysis I've been doing this week,* I'm blogging. It's a gorgeous day today (it's supposed to rain all weekend), and I got home early and have the apartment to myself, and I Just Don't Want to Do My Work.
So instead I'm going to write about my summer plans. Here's the extra-boring explanatory paragraph. We just got a bunch of forms from Dutch's daycare that must be filled in soon. They want to know our daycare plans for the next year. Over the summer, do we want to send Dutch to daycare a)full-time, b)three days a week, c) two days a week, or d) not at all? Then, in the fall, do we want to exercise option a, b, or c for BOTH kids? After a few days of murveling over this, Cook and I have realized that we actually have no options for the summer. As I will be earning no income, we cannot afford daycare. Actually, we cannot afford our life, and will continue to earn less than we spend (thank you, scholarships and government loans, for keeping our head above water!), but if we keep Dutch out of daycare, at least we can slightly trim our expenses. In the fall, I expect we'll have to send both kids full-time, in spite of the fact that we may be entirely income-free at that point, because if we send them part-time, we will lose the full-time slot and then if we manage to procure work, we will have to find decent affordable childcare elsewhere, which is an extremely difficult thing to do, requiring superhuman powers. So we'll just have to cross our fingers and hope some sort of employment turns up. Somehow.
Anyway, the point is that it has just become clear to me that I am going to be spending the summer caring fulltime for an infant and a 4-year-old who thinks she's 14. FULL TIME. That means EVERY SINGLE DAY(okay, only five days a week). BY MYSELF . You may be thinking "So what? People do this all the time, often under much worse circumstances." Which is absolutely true. I recognize that my life is relatively easy, and that this isn't exactly a big deal. However... it's kind of hard, caring even for your own kids. It's harder than many jobs for which people actually get paid. And... I like working. I like producing something and getting feedback on it. I like talking to grown-ups about things other than kids. I like having time to myself. I like getting paid, and I REALLY like having health insurance. I like commuting alone.
On the flip side, I really feel strongly that it's good for a baby, and for the whole family, to have a parent home full-time at least for a little while. I know it was good for Dutch to have a parent at home with her for the first year. (She had that for the first two-and-a-half years of her life, but I think the first year was by far the most important part of that.) Also, sometimes I imagine an idyllic summer of long, joyful days at the park, and sunny evenings spent sitting by the outdoor public pool with Anaximander,** watching Dutch's swim lessons. That would be nice. Except that we can't afford to spend any money, so I won't get to do the Full (Yuppie) Mommy and spend lots of time in coffee shops, farmers markets, and toystores, frivolously consuming. We'll be spending lots of time at the library, and yes, the park, eating cheese sandwiches from home, and drinking water. There will be some swim lessons, which are relatively cheap and just so quintessentially summer-y that I can't deny them to Dutch (who has already been informed that the ballet classes will be over after the Big Show in June) until our situation gets more dire.
But, hey, summer! Lemonade! Flip-flops! Plums! Long days! Dutch FINALLY getting to wear her vast collection of sundresses without tights and sweaters! Anaximander** outside of me instead of in! It's going to be fantastic.
And now, back to regularly scheduled paper-writing. Maybe. After I make cookies and sweep behind the couch.
*SPSS, like many software tools, is a dangerous thing indeed. It allowed me to do all sorts of complicated things that I understand only slightly (if at all), and I will now proceed to take terrible liberties with my output. My poor quantitatively-inclined professor may weep when he reads my paper.
**Anaximander, who is absolutely going to be the most cheerful, even-tempered, easy-sleeping baby EVER.
So instead I'm going to write about my summer plans. Here's the extra-boring explanatory paragraph. We just got a bunch of forms from Dutch's daycare that must be filled in soon. They want to know our daycare plans for the next year. Over the summer, do we want to send Dutch to daycare a)full-time, b)three days a week, c) two days a week, or d) not at all? Then, in the fall, do we want to exercise option a, b, or c for BOTH kids? After a few days of murveling over this, Cook and I have realized that we actually have no options for the summer. As I will be earning no income, we cannot afford daycare. Actually, we cannot afford our life, and will continue to earn less than we spend (thank you, scholarships and government loans, for keeping our head above water!), but if we keep Dutch out of daycare, at least we can slightly trim our expenses. In the fall, I expect we'll have to send both kids full-time, in spite of the fact that we may be entirely income-free at that point, because if we send them part-time, we will lose the full-time slot and then if we manage to procure work, we will have to find decent affordable childcare elsewhere, which is an extremely difficult thing to do, requiring superhuman powers. So we'll just have to cross our fingers and hope some sort of employment turns up. Somehow.
Anyway, the point is that it has just become clear to me that I am going to be spending the summer caring fulltime for an infant and a 4-year-old who thinks she's 14. FULL TIME. That means EVERY SINGLE DAY(okay, only five days a week). BY MYSELF . You may be thinking "So what? People do this all the time, often under much worse circumstances." Which is absolutely true. I recognize that my life is relatively easy, and that this isn't exactly a big deal. However... it's kind of hard, caring even for your own kids. It's harder than many jobs for which people actually get paid. And... I like working. I like producing something and getting feedback on it. I like talking to grown-ups about things other than kids. I like having time to myself. I like getting paid, and I REALLY like having health insurance. I like commuting alone.
On the flip side, I really feel strongly that it's good for a baby, and for the whole family, to have a parent home full-time at least for a little while. I know it was good for Dutch to have a parent at home with her for the first year. (She had that for the first two-and-a-half years of her life, but I think the first year was by far the most important part of that.) Also, sometimes I imagine an idyllic summer of long, joyful days at the park, and sunny evenings spent sitting by the outdoor public pool with Anaximander,** watching Dutch's swim lessons. That would be nice. Except that we can't afford to spend any money, so I won't get to do the Full (Yuppie) Mommy and spend lots of time in coffee shops, farmers markets, and toystores, frivolously consuming. We'll be spending lots of time at the library, and yes, the park, eating cheese sandwiches from home, and drinking water. There will be some swim lessons, which are relatively cheap and just so quintessentially summer-y that I can't deny them to Dutch (who has already been informed that the ballet classes will be over after the Big Show in June) until our situation gets more dire.
But, hey, summer! Lemonade! Flip-flops! Plums! Long days! Dutch FINALLY getting to wear her vast collection of sundresses without tights and sweaters! Anaximander** outside of me instead of in! It's going to be fantastic.
And now, back to regularly scheduled paper-writing. Maybe. After I make cookies and sweep behind the couch.
*SPSS, like many software tools, is a dangerous thing indeed. It allowed me to do all sorts of complicated things that I understand only slightly (if at all), and I will now proceed to take terrible liberties with my output. My poor quantitatively-inclined professor may weep when he reads my paper.
**Anaximander, who is absolutely going to be the most cheerful, even-tempered, easy-sleeping baby EVER.
Comments
and here's this:
http://www.structuredprocrastination.com/light/perfectionism.php
apologies for the long url, but i thought it would be more enticing if you could see it, than if it said tinyurl.
Love, Dad