The Problem with Portland
I wrote this a few weeks ago, and didn't post it because it's such a huge self-pity wallow, but now I figured, what the heck. Skip to the photos if you don't have the stomach for a huge self-pity wallow!
I'm looking for work again. And I got onto Linked In this morning. Now I'm feeling overwhelmed by a very familiar feeling of inadequacy. When I tell people that I have been looking unsuccessfully for work for years, they tend to wave it off and say "Oh, you're smart and educated; you'll get a job."* But... I don't have a job. I haven't been offered a job in FOUR YEARS. I'm smart and educated, but in Portland, smart and educated is a baseline. The place is brimming with people who are smart and educated AND __________ ( Fill in the blank with at least one of the following: adjectives: creative, charming, energetic, skilled, persistent, confident, ambitious, attractive, etc.). I don't have any ands. I need an and!
This also applies to my non-working life. Portland is also brimming with people who are doing amazing and interesting things in their spare time. They may not be making money off it, but they're gardening and building robots and woodworking and pickling and painting and brewing and sewing and cooking and canning and learning trapeze tricks and learning to code and whatnot. Portland makes me feel like I'm performing inadequately at every single facet of my life. I can't even identify a thing I'd like to do - I have no dreams, no visions, nothing I really love to do.*** Damn you, Portland! If I wasn't surrounded by people who are so obviously doing cool stuff, I'd be much happier being an essentially inert person. Or if I was at least making money, even if it was at a boring inert-person kind of job. As I'm not earning any money, I'm at a bit of a loss for sources of self-worth.
This is obviously a seriously counterproductive line of thought. As I wisely tell Duchess, there's always going to be somebody who's better than you, and that's not a bad thing. I certainly enjoy spending time with people who have cool stuff going on, and they make Portland a wonderful place to live. And, you know, I'm smart and educated. I'll get a job. I'll work on my and.
Anyway, check out this only-somewhat-uneven haircut I just gave Skipper! She initially angrily described it as "stupid short!" and said she hates me for cutting it, but she's coming around. So I'm pretty good at giving my family not-terrible haircuts for free. That's almost like earning money. Hurrah for me!
So, you know, things could be a lot worse. When your biggest problem is being surrounded by interesting, dynamic people, you really don't have a problem. And when you get to do stuff like visit enormous fishes and walk around in a forest with friends and family, life is pretty sweet. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to start an exciting small business called "Not-Terrible Haircuts for Kids," and I need to set up my Pinterest account.
*Pro tip: Don't say this to your unemployed/underemployed friends. We know you're trying to make us feel better, but it actually makes us feel even shittier.**
** Hey, maybe I should start a business providing advice to people about how to talk to their unemployed/underemployed friends!
***Except reading. I really love reading. If only I could get paid just to read. No, not to read and then write about it. Just to read. That's all.
I'm looking for work again. And I got onto Linked In this morning. Now I'm feeling overwhelmed by a very familiar feeling of inadequacy. When I tell people that I have been looking unsuccessfully for work for years, they tend to wave it off and say "Oh, you're smart and educated; you'll get a job."* But... I don't have a job. I haven't been offered a job in FOUR YEARS. I'm smart and educated, but in Portland, smart and educated is a baseline. The place is brimming with people who are smart and educated AND __________ ( Fill in the blank with at least one of the following: adjectives: creative, charming, energetic, skilled, persistent, confident, ambitious, attractive, etc.). I don't have any ands. I need an and!
This also applies to my non-working life. Portland is also brimming with people who are doing amazing and interesting things in their spare time. They may not be making money off it, but they're gardening and building robots and woodworking and pickling and painting and brewing and sewing and cooking and canning and learning trapeze tricks and learning to code and whatnot. Portland makes me feel like I'm performing inadequately at every single facet of my life. I can't even identify a thing I'd like to do - I have no dreams, no visions, nothing I really love to do.*** Damn you, Portland! If I wasn't surrounded by people who are so obviously doing cool stuff, I'd be much happier being an essentially inert person. Or if I was at least making money, even if it was at a boring inert-person kind of job. As I'm not earning any money, I'm at a bit of a loss for sources of self-worth.
This is obviously a seriously counterproductive line of thought. As I wisely tell Duchess, there's always going to be somebody who's better than you, and that's not a bad thing. I certainly enjoy spending time with people who have cool stuff going on, and they make Portland a wonderful place to live. And, you know, I'm smart and educated. I'll get a job. I'll work on my and.
Anyway, check out this only-somewhat-uneven haircut I just gave Skipper! She initially angrily described it as "stupid short!" and said she hates me for cutting it, but she's coming around. So I'm pretty good at giving my family not-terrible haircuts for free. That's almost like earning money. Hurrah for me!
Also, here are a few crappy photos of our last car-camping trip. Duchess was off at sleepaway camp (which she loved), so Skipper got us all to herself, including our college friend GG, whom she adores.
We went to the Bonneville Dam fish hatchery, where we visited Herman the Sturgeon, and a stuffed bear in a box.
So, you know, things could be a lot worse. When your biggest problem is being surrounded by interesting, dynamic people, you really don't have a problem. And when you get to do stuff like visit enormous fishes and walk around in a forest with friends and family, life is pretty sweet. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to start an exciting small business called "Not-Terrible Haircuts for Kids," and I need to set up my Pinterest account.
*Pro tip: Don't say this to your unemployed/underemployed friends. We know you're trying to make us feel better, but it actually makes us feel even shittier.**
** Hey, maybe I should start a business providing advice to people about how to talk to their unemployed/underemployed friends!
***Except reading. I really love reading. If only I could get paid just to read. No, not to read and then write about it. Just to read. That's all.
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