Sunday, January 31, 2016

Went on vacation

She lay on the board on the beach digging holes and droning "vegemite gesundheit, vegemite gesundheit" for a good twenty minutes.

Ate a lot of pineapple.

Momotaro was very interested in Skipper. I'm pretty sure he thinks she's some kind of intermediary between the worlds of small people and large people. He also wanted to get her whole head into his mouth.

Sunday, January 17, 2016

Food for thought

Note: This is a boring, narcissistic post about diet and weight loss. Proceed at your own risk.

One of the things I've been busy with this year (too busy to blog!) is my new lifestyle change, Eating Less. Eating Less is something I've historically been terrible at, so I went into it feeling very pessimistic. Also, annoyed that I have to Eat Less. Last year's lifestyle change (exercising 2-5 hours a week all year) was a big lift for me, and I felt like I should have lost lots of weight just from doing that. I deserved it!

But it became clear after a few months that exercising alone is not going to help me lose weight. I spent the rest of the year feeling indignant and disappointed in myself and sad. For me, being fat is an unhideable shame. It feels like wearing a big sign on my head that says I AM A WEAK FAILURE OF A PERSON.

I have had a blog post half-formed in my head about this for a while, about how I feel about being fat, especially when so many people, some of whom seem like pretty crappy people, manage to not be fat, which makes me feel like I must be even more crappy. I don't understand why I continue to fail to do something simple - just not be fat. It's not like you need any special skills or talent to not be fat. I'm kind of great at not doing stuff, so you'd think I could handle this.

However, I never got around to actually writing that blog post. (And lest you feel obliged to reassure me that I'm not an extra-crappy person, I really do know that I'm not really extra-crappy. I have many valuable qualities. And yes, I am proud of my 2015 lifestyle change.)

So here, instead, is what I'm thinking about right now - it turns out that Eating Less, while somewhat time consuming (so much lunch and snack prep!), is actually not that hard. I can't say I LIKE it (spoiler alert: I don't), and I also can't say that I'm being as healthy as I could be (hello, fatty cheese! whipped cream with berries!), but I really also can't say that it's been hard.

I was reluctant to identify this, because my brain extrapolates it to two conclusions:
1) It's ridiculous that I haven't done it before. If this is so easy, that means I'm even more of a weak failure than I thought.
2) If I fail to continue something that is easy, that means I'm even more of a weak failure than I thought.

I feel how dangerous that thinking is. I recognize that something that's not hard for me right now, in my current emotional state, could be very hard for me under other circumstances. There are things that are true now that weren't true a few years ago. I have a job in which I feel appreciated and challenged, my kids are relatively well-settled in their lives, etc. I can also see that if anything gets off-kilter (hello, unemployment!), it could stop feeling so (relatively) easy. And I can also see that it will feel different after months instead of weeks.

But it's (relatively) easy right now. So I'm going to run with that.

Sunday, January 3, 2016


A whole new year! We flew back from Maine on New Year's Eve, and were all asleep by midnight (the girls both fell asleep as the plane was landing, actually), so we kind of jury-rigged some conversation about reflection and looking ahead over the following few days.

Duchess got braces.
I was employed continuously ALL YEAR!
Skipper really learned how to read.
Skipper rode a horse for the first time.
Duchess read the entire Lord of the Rings.
Cook built a bike.

We're going to Hawaii.
I will be employed at least half the year.
Duchess will learn how to needlepoint.
It will definitely snow in 2016 in Portland at least once.

Friday, January 1, 2016