Providing for the Family
When I was at home fulltime, I realized pretty quickly that I was channeling my frustration and need for self-definition into shopping. I'm not a shopper in the Manolo Blahnik chick-lit sense, as anybody checking out my wardrobe would realize in about 1.2 seconds. I have paid for two professional haircuts in 10 years. But I LOVE shopping. I particularly love researching and planning to buy something to meet a family need I've identified, like the Perfect Stroller. I don't like spending a lot of money, and I have major ethical qualms about buying anything new, but I love the hunt and the thrill of making the kill. I leave the thrift store or the grocery store riding a wonderful high that feels like winning, somehow. It meets some powerful, primal need - I am bringing home provisions for my family! I am hunting and gathering!
I was talking to a parent- friend recently who shares this problem (lots of stay-at-home moms I know have it to some degree), and we commiserated over the fact that all those purchases add up. They're never exactly frivolous, but they're often unnecessary. Buying satisfaction never seems to work out.
I'm ashamed to say that I still do it, even now that I have a little more going on in my life, and a budget that doesn't allow unnecessary spending. The other day I stopped at a yardsale and bought Dutch some sticker books and a box of colored pencils. I paid $1. What a deal! But she has crayons, she has paints, she has stickers. She doesn't need any of those things, by any reckoning. So it was a waste. And I went to another yardsale (Hi, Mom! Remember the yardsale I dragged you to?) in a swanky neighborhood a few weeks ago, and bought a bunch of kids' clothes, to give to friends and to Dutch. Most egregiously, I bought and kept a pair of sandals that are TOO SMALL for Dutch, on the premise that I really liked them, they're brandnew and expensive, they cost $2, and if we have another kid, it can wear them. If it happens to be wearing the right size in a season warm enough for sandals. And it felt so good, and so bad. It's like drug-addiction, except less physically damaging.
Anyway, I'm working on the problem, but it's pretty hard to fight. I HAVE managed over the last year or so to stop buying books, even $.25 paperbacks. One step at a time, and many trips to the library.
I was talking to a parent- friend recently who shares this problem (lots of stay-at-home moms I know have it to some degree), and we commiserated over the fact that all those purchases add up. They're never exactly frivolous, but they're often unnecessary. Buying satisfaction never seems to work out.
I'm ashamed to say that I still do it, even now that I have a little more going on in my life, and a budget that doesn't allow unnecessary spending. The other day I stopped at a yardsale and bought Dutch some sticker books and a box of colored pencils. I paid $1. What a deal! But she has crayons, she has paints, she has stickers. She doesn't need any of those things, by any reckoning. So it was a waste. And I went to another yardsale (Hi, Mom! Remember the yardsale I dragged you to?) in a swanky neighborhood a few weeks ago, and bought a bunch of kids' clothes, to give to friends and to Dutch. Most egregiously, I bought and kept a pair of sandals that are TOO SMALL for Dutch, on the premise that I really liked them, they're brandnew and expensive, they cost $2, and if we have another kid, it can wear them. If it happens to be wearing the right size in a season warm enough for sandals. And it felt so good, and so bad. It's like drug-addiction, except less physically damaging.
Anyway, I'm working on the problem, but it's pretty hard to fight. I HAVE managed over the last year or so to stop buying books, even $.25 paperbacks. One step at a time, and many trips to the library.
Comments
you'll be happy to know that i have not waned in my household spending. i have even enlarged it now to contractor services since we require some electrical work on our place.