Nine
Duchess is nine! I don't even know how to express what Duchess is like, except the way I described her a year ago, except more. She's a joyful tyrant. She is bursting with life, a state which often feels to those of us who live with her like pure noise. She laughs and talks loudly. She even walks loudly. She tells boring stories and terrible jokes, regardless of the fact that her audience is rolling its eyes and walking away. She doesn't edit herself; she says every single thought that comes into her brain. She believes that she's worth looking at and worth listening to. While this can make her spectacularly obnoxious, it's also impressive, and potentially a powerful asset for her, if she can hold onto it (and modulate it for reduced obnoxiousness). She remains joyful and optimistic about most things (while retaining the capacity to throw ridiculous tantrums when things don't go her way). Even when I'm most annoyed with her, it's impossible not to be charmed by her full-on grins, and the delighted gleam in her eyes.
I am reading a parenting book to help me support Skipper a little better, and when I did the is-your-kid-sensitive questionnaire, I checked almost every box for Skipper, but I also noted that many of those traits are true of Duchess as well. She is observant of the world around her, and is sensitive to other people's needs. She, unlike her sister, is enthusiastic about changes, and she dives into things, though only after she has reviewed the scene. She checks the situation out carefully, and then she holds nothing back.
Duchess is adrift in a new world of social maneuvering, trying to figure out who she is and how she's going to present herself to the world. Last weekend, she attended two birthday parties. At the first one, she knew only the birthday girl, a situation that would be awkward for most anyone. She reported happily afterward that she distinguished herself by making witty* remarks. The way she talked about it, it was pretty clear that she's working out her social identity, and making some conscious decisions about how to present herself in the group. She was very pleased with the success of her Duchess-as-Oscar-Wilde persona. The following day, she went to a party at a bowling alley, and she told me when she came home that a fifth-grader, a boy she didn't know, flirted with her. (On interrogation, she wasn't very clear about how she knew it was flirting as opposed to normal weird-kid-interaction, but she was certain that was what it was.) She's feeling lately like she's losing social clout in her class, in part due to her distaste for Monster High and her general lack of political instincts. She observes the maneuvering, and tells me exactly how every girl in the class "ranks" socially, but she is, to my great relief, not cutthroat enough to really go for a higher rank. She has asked for a pair of skater-style shoes like the ones the highest ranked girls wear, but otherwise she still seems happy to go to school with snarly hair, wearing a dress, capri pants, knee socks, and sneakers.**
For her birthday, Duchess chose to go to the science museum, to the Sherlock Holmes exhibit, with a friend. This was a strategic decision, as this friend has a slightly higher social rank AND shares her disinterest in playing "Teenagers" and "Monster High" at recess.*** Ergo, a good relationship in which to invest! Plus, this friend is dorky enough to want go to a Sherlock Holmes exhibit in which you try to solve a mystery. As it turns out, Duchess is still dorkier - I had to pry her away from each stage of the exhibit, because she wanted to keep studying the evidence, well after her friend and I had gotten bored and wanted to move on.
Anyway. Duchess is nine. It feels, of course, like those nine years have both flown by and taken forever. She's a great kid, and she'll be a great adult someday. (In both a really long time and a really short time!)
*I'm taking her word on this, because the remarks she repeated for me didn't exactly ring witty. Presumably all eight/nine-year-olds have common standards for repartee.
** In case you're wondering, this is not a trend at Duchess's school. I don't actually see anybody dressing at all like her, though her fashion choices don't seem to be motivated by a desire to be different, but by the desire to be able to modulate her temperature. She likes the capris-with-knee-socks thing because she can roll down the socks for ventilation at recess when she's running around.
***This friend's mom reports that the kid still enjoys watching Dora the Explorer with her little sisters. As Duchess still enjoys watching Dinosaur Train with HER little sister, it's a great match. And I certainly support anything that helps Duchess hold onto childhood a little longer.
I am reading a parenting book to help me support Skipper a little better, and when I did the is-your-kid-sensitive questionnaire, I checked almost every box for Skipper, but I also noted that many of those traits are true of Duchess as well. She is observant of the world around her, and is sensitive to other people's needs. She, unlike her sister, is enthusiastic about changes, and she dives into things, though only after she has reviewed the scene. She checks the situation out carefully, and then she holds nothing back.
Duchess is adrift in a new world of social maneuvering, trying to figure out who she is and how she's going to present herself to the world. Last weekend, she attended two birthday parties. At the first one, she knew only the birthday girl, a situation that would be awkward for most anyone. She reported happily afterward that she distinguished herself by making witty* remarks. The way she talked about it, it was pretty clear that she's working out her social identity, and making some conscious decisions about how to present herself in the group. She was very pleased with the success of her Duchess-as-Oscar-Wilde persona. The following day, she went to a party at a bowling alley, and she told me when she came home that a fifth-grader, a boy she didn't know, flirted with her. (On interrogation, she wasn't very clear about how she knew it was flirting as opposed to normal weird-kid-interaction, but she was certain that was what it was.) She's feeling lately like she's losing social clout in her class, in part due to her distaste for Monster High and her general lack of political instincts. She observes the maneuvering, and tells me exactly how every girl in the class "ranks" socially, but she is, to my great relief, not cutthroat enough to really go for a higher rank. She has asked for a pair of skater-style shoes like the ones the highest ranked girls wear, but otherwise she still seems happy to go to school with snarly hair, wearing a dress, capri pants, knee socks, and sneakers.**
For her birthday, Duchess chose to go to the science museum, to the Sherlock Holmes exhibit, with a friend. This was a strategic decision, as this friend has a slightly higher social rank AND shares her disinterest in playing "Teenagers" and "Monster High" at recess.*** Ergo, a good relationship in which to invest! Plus, this friend is dorky enough to want go to a Sherlock Holmes exhibit in which you try to solve a mystery. As it turns out, Duchess is still dorkier - I had to pry her away from each stage of the exhibit, because she wanted to keep studying the evidence, well after her friend and I had gotten bored and wanted to move on.
Anyway. Duchess is nine. It feels, of course, like those nine years have both flown by and taken forever. She's a great kid, and she'll be a great adult someday. (In both a really long time and a really short time!)
*I'm taking her word on this, because the remarks she repeated for me didn't exactly ring witty. Presumably all eight/nine-year-olds have common standards for repartee.
** In case you're wondering, this is not a trend at Duchess's school. I don't actually see anybody dressing at all like her, though her fashion choices don't seem to be motivated by a desire to be different, but by the desire to be able to modulate her temperature. She likes the capris-with-knee-socks thing because she can roll down the socks for ventilation at recess when she's running around.
***This friend's mom reports that the kid still enjoys watching Dora the Explorer with her little sisters. As Duchess still enjoys watching Dinosaur Train with HER little sister, it's a great match. And I certainly support anything that helps Duchess hold onto childhood a little longer.
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