Social intelligence

Today I spent some time at Duchess's school, volunteering, and having lunch with the kids. It was a pleasure to lunch with Duchess, who was pink-cheeked and cheerful after running 1.25 miles at recess, radiating happy confidence as she folded herself onto the bench next to her favorite running partner. It was fun for me to watch her navigate her social life. A kid across the table asked her "Duchess, are you a duck or a beaver?" (If you live in Oregon, you have to choose whether to affiliate with OSU or U of O. It's ridiculous. Half the kids in her class have parents who are alumni of one school or the other, and passions run high this time of year.) This is the sort of social situation that terrified me as a kid, because there's no safe answer, and I never had the social chops to finesse that sort of thing. Duchess looked at him calmly, and said, smiling slightly "I'm a platypus." (I was initially impressed by her wit, but I then realized that it must be the standard declaration of neutrality.) Then he said, "But which team do you LIKE?" and she waited a long beat, studying him consideringly, and said "I like your sweatshirt." (He was wearing a Portland Timbers sweatshirt.) And that was that. She never had to commit to a side, she expressed a shared allegiance with this kid without alienating anybody else, she gave him her full attention in a positive way while declining the opportunity to create drama. Even if she never learns one thing in the classroom, she's learning a lot.