Baby Love
Dutch wants a baby. She has been talking about it and obsessively playing "baby" with all her dolls and stuffed animals. We've discussed the fact that she won't have a baby until she's a grownup, but she says she doesn't want to wait; she wants to have a baby before she turns into a grownup. I asked her what she would do with the baby, and she said "I will feed it with a bottle. I will nurse it. I will pick it up and carry it. I will make it feel better. I will give it medicine. I will take it to the hospital. I will put it in a crib. I will carry it in a sling. I will stick a pacifier in it." (An extra-unnerving part of the baby obsession is a secondary obsession with pacifiers. She never had a pacifier, but somehow she's decided it's an important part of Baby Life. She's taken to sucking on a plastic teapot lid and pretending it's a pacifier.) It's all pretty normal, I guess, but there's still something creepy about having your 2-year-old inform you that she's expecting a baby. I hadn't scheduled any kind of birth control conversation for another 10 years or so, but maybe I should rethink that. (Though, on the bright side, I think I read that teen pregnancy is protective against breast cancer!)
The thing is, I want a baby too. That actually moves beyond creepy, into the realm of insane, since I stand by my opinion that babies pretty much suck. (Not a joke.) Dutch has no idea how awful babies can be, so her desire can be chalked up to ignorance, but I KNOW. (And she will learn very quickly, as soon as she gets her hands on one.) Dutch was not the worst baby I've ever known, but probably the second- or third-worst. She couldn't put herself to sleep (yes, I know that if we had "trained" her, our lives would have been easier - but you weren't there, so you can't criticize), she always wanted to be carried, she cried a lot (and loudly!), and she was painfully mommy-centric. I've mentioned how lazy and selfish I am. Babies, even "easy" ones (ha!), are apparently very challenging for people who tend to be lazy and selfish. Go figure.
And yet... I want another one. My genetic hardwiring is clamoring to get more offspring into the world. It's a terrible idea, as Cook and I already have inadequate income and no clue what we're doing with our collective life, but it's not really an IDEA so much as it is a craving. Periodically Cook and I semi-discuss it (he falls, predictably, on the Common Sense side of the discussion, while my side sounds more like demented raving - "Need baby! Want lunatic soggy screaming midget attached to me all day! Now! NEED BABY!!!"). I imagine we'll have another kid sometime, but not as soon as Dutch or I want.
The thing is, I want a baby too. That actually moves beyond creepy, into the realm of insane, since I stand by my opinion that babies pretty much suck. (Not a joke.) Dutch has no idea how awful babies can be, so her desire can be chalked up to ignorance, but I KNOW. (And she will learn very quickly, as soon as she gets her hands on one.) Dutch was not the worst baby I've ever known, but probably the second- or third-worst. She couldn't put herself to sleep (yes, I know that if we had "trained" her, our lives would have been easier - but you weren't there, so you can't criticize), she always wanted to be carried, she cried a lot (and loudly!), and she was painfully mommy-centric. I've mentioned how lazy and selfish I am. Babies, even "easy" ones (ha!), are apparently very challenging for people who tend to be lazy and selfish. Go figure.
And yet... I want another one. My genetic hardwiring is clamoring to get more offspring into the world. It's a terrible idea, as Cook and I already have inadequate income and no clue what we're doing with our collective life, but it's not really an IDEA so much as it is a craving. Periodically Cook and I semi-discuss it (he falls, predictably, on the Common Sense side of the discussion, while my side sounds more like demented raving - "Need baby! Want lunatic soggy screaming midget attached to me all day! Now! NEED BABY!!!"). I imagine we'll have another kid sometime, but not as soon as Dutch or I want.
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