The end is in sight.
No, not the bitter end. Just the summer, and in the nick of time. Dutch is sick of me being gone or busy all the time, Cook is sick of cooking all the food and washing all the dishes and sweeping all the floors, and I'm sick of being crazy-making-over-scheduled.
It's probably a clever subconscious strategy to avoid feeling awful about my spectacular failure to land an internship,* but I'm starting to really look forward to being under-scheduled. I plan to work about 30 hours a week, and that's ALL I will be doing. No school. No internship. No volunteering. Nothing responsible at all. Just the rest of my life, like sleeping, watching lots of cheesy movies, spending time with my kid, spending time with my husband, reading cheesy books, and maybe - hey, imagine this - calling some of my friends to actually talk to you!
Also, I need some time to remind myself that being rejected directly and indirectly about twenty times in six months isn't really a reflection of my value in the world.** It certainly isn't a reflection of my capacity to take joy in my life, and I haven't been doing that enough lately. The roses are in bloom here, and they're pretty darn spectacular, which you'd think would be enough to remind me about the importance of smelling all roses, literal and figurative. So there you go. My agenda for July and August: extensive smelling of flowers. I'll write it into my Google Calendar...
*I've had two more fruitless interviews and gotten two scholarship-rejection letters since I last posted about this. Hence the awful feelings...
** Just the Portland job market, I'm sure.
It's probably a clever subconscious strategy to avoid feeling awful about my spectacular failure to land an internship,* but I'm starting to really look forward to being under-scheduled. I plan to work about 30 hours a week, and that's ALL I will be doing. No school. No internship. No volunteering. Nothing responsible at all. Just the rest of my life, like sleeping, watching lots of cheesy movies, spending time with my kid, spending time with my husband, reading cheesy books, and maybe - hey, imagine this - calling some of my friends to actually talk to you!
Also, I need some time to remind myself that being rejected directly and indirectly about twenty times in six months isn't really a reflection of my value in the world.** It certainly isn't a reflection of my capacity to take joy in my life, and I haven't been doing that enough lately. The roses are in bloom here, and they're pretty darn spectacular, which you'd think would be enough to remind me about the importance of smelling all roses, literal and figurative. So there you go. My agenda for July and August: extensive smelling of flowers. I'll write it into my Google Calendar...
*I've had two more fruitless interviews and gotten two scholarship-rejection letters since I last posted about this. Hence the awful feelings...
** Just the Portland job market, I'm sure.
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