Untrained
I don't style my hair. I don't wear makeup. I don't know how to do those things. I am woefully ill-equipped to be Dutch's mom. Not only is her Fanciness Standard way way higher than mine, but she chooses activities that require skills I do not have.
For her ballet performance next week she is supposed to wear "stage makeup - earth tones only!" and have a perfect bun "with no wisps." Dear lord. She doesn't even have long enough hair to make a bun! And nobody in the world except ballerinas and long-haired cooks wears hair nets anymore, so it's impossible to find them at, say, your neighborhood drugstore. And should I ever be able to find a hair net, I will then have to make a no-wisp hairdo out of it. I can barely remember to brush my own hair in the mornings.
I took a first step today and went to the drugstore where they did not have hairnets, where I also looked for styling gel or hairspray or whatever normal people use to style hair. I was just going to buy the cheapest and smallest container, but then I made the horrible mistake of looking at the ingredients list, which went more or less like this: "Gives you cancer, probably compromises your fertility, screws up your lungs, and then kicks you in the head when you're lying in the hospital bed." Why, I'd like to know, would anybody put propane in a product that people put on their skin?* So I had to go to Whole Paycheck and buy something else, which cost almost twice as much but doesn't have any death in it.
Anyway, I told her she's not wearing makeup. She can wear the tinted lip balm I accidentally bought. And we'll have to practice the hairdo all week. I'll post a photo!
*If you'd like to figure out how to find products that make you Fancy without putting your health at risk, check out Skin Deep.
For her ballet performance next week she is supposed to wear "stage makeup - earth tones only!" and have a perfect bun "with no wisps." Dear lord. She doesn't even have long enough hair to make a bun! And nobody in the world except ballerinas and long-haired cooks wears hair nets anymore, so it's impossible to find them at, say, your neighborhood drugstore. And should I ever be able to find a hair net, I will then have to make a no-wisp hairdo out of it. I can barely remember to brush my own hair in the mornings.
I took a first step today and went to the drugstore where they did not have hairnets, where I also looked for styling gel or hairspray or whatever normal people use to style hair. I was just going to buy the cheapest and smallest container, but then I made the horrible mistake of looking at the ingredients list, which went more or less like this: "Gives you cancer, probably compromises your fertility, screws up your lungs, and then kicks you in the head when you're lying in the hospital bed." Why, I'd like to know, would anybody put propane in a product that people put on their skin?* So I had to go to Whole Paycheck and buy something else, which cost almost twice as much but doesn't have any death in it.
Anyway, I told her she's not wearing makeup. She can wear the tinted lip balm I accidentally bought. And we'll have to practice the hairdo all week. I'll post a photo!
*If you'd like to figure out how to find products that make you Fancy without putting your health at risk, check out Skin Deep.
Comments