It's important to have goals.

I've revised my daily to-do list.

1) Dress myself, and brush my teeth and hair.

2) Wash the breakfast dishes.

3) Feed myself and Dutch adequately.

4) Don't be mean to Dutch when she drives me crazy.

5) Make sure Dutch is active enough to get really sweaty at least once every day.

6) Don't let Dutch get sunburned.

7) Remember the first-aid kit on every playground trip.

8) Make sure Skipper gets her down time.

The rest of it? Like cleaning up, or doing laundry or making dinner or anything like that? Forget it. All my kid-free time (those precious moments when Skipper's sleeping in her crib and Dutch is playing quietly in her room) goes to activities like working on my resume, or pumping breast milk. (Or... blogging! Though Skipper's sleeping on my chest and Dutch is sitting at the "Art Table" coloring with Best Friend, so it's not exactly a precious moment.) I know that many moms manage two or more kids AND maintain clean homes (and, I don't know, make beautiful jewelry and write poetry in their spare time), but I AM A LAZY PERSON. I can barely manage what I'm doing. Item #4 alone takes nearly all my energy.

Yesterday I explained to Dutch that no, I do not want to stay home with her and Skipper for the rest of their childhood,* and that I will lose my mind if I don't have an outside-the-home job of some kind. She looked so perplexed; the notion that I have wants and needs and define myself in any way other than as her mother is totally incomprehensible to her. When I was a kid, I had no understanding of that either. It never occurred to me that my parents might be interested in doing anything other than tending to all MY needs. If I'd even thought about it, I'm sure I would have thought that when I wasn't around they just hibernated, or maybe blinked out of existence temporarily. I don't think this is because they catered to all my demands or anything - I think I was just spectacularly self-centered. I think all kids are like that. I hope I wasn't specially selfish.

* I don't even know why she wants this. She likes spending time with other kids way more than staying home.