How to spend your first day away from your baby when she's 4 months old

1. Every night for three weeks before the big day, pump the 1-2 ounces of breastmilk you can squeeze out after the kids are asleep, before you wash the dishes and go to sleep. Freeze lots of very small portions.

2. Make a plan for pumping and storing breastmilk while you're at the conference. Assemble your equipment.

3. When the day comes, leave home at 8:15, in a hurry to catch the bus, and then deeply regret that you didn't take the time to give her a kiss goodbye.

4. Run into an acquaintance onthe bus, and talk to her very rapidly about how happy you are to be away from your kids and how much you miss them. When she gets off (mysteriously a few stops earlier than you thought she was planning to get off), say "BYE!" really loudly and then feel like an insane person.

5. Think about the baby a lot all day. Get sweaty every time you think about her.

6. Tell everybody who comes near you how crazy weird it is to pump breastmilk. Wonder if this may hurt your chances of getting a job from anybody attending this conference.

7. Spend your breaks finding a bathroom with an outlet and chairs and then setting up your pump. These bathrooms will be the most crowded ones. Pump as much breastmilk as you can as quickly as possible without missing too much of the sessions, while ignoring the people staring at you and the conversations they have about you subsequently as they go out the door (really). Try to smile at them and remember that you are NOT DOING ANYTHING INAPPROPRIATE. Smile extra big at the nervous-looking pregnant women. Appreciate your interactions with the four women, all older, who stop briefly or lengthily to say things like "Good for you!" and "I remember doing that! Gosh, it hasn't gotten any easier since then, has it!" and, memorably, "Namaste!"

8. Be very very happy to see your entire family when they stop by during the lunch break so that the baby can visit your breasts. Enjoy your baby's radiant smiles and murmurs of appreciation as she nurses. Kiss her many times and smell her head. Don't forget to also kiss your older daughter's sticky cheek and tell her how happy you are to see her (which you are, but your hormones are way more concerned about the little one).

9. Talk to adults, think about interesting things not related to your family or home life, learn stuff.

10. Enjoy being able to get through your day without having to care for anyone. Except for those pumping sessions.

11. Discover when you go home that the baby turns her head toward you and tries to gnaw through your shirt to your breasts every time you pick her up for the 1.5 hours between your arrival home and her falling asleep. Nurse her about six times during that period.

12. Wash the pump and bottles, and pack up your equipment for day two.