Problem Kids
Cook and I discussed our conversation with Dutch's teacher recently, and we realized that it made us both feel much better not only about Dutch's daycare situation, but also about Dutch herself. We had, to some degree, internalized the idea that Dutch was a Problem for her teachers - an unusually inflexible and whiny kid who required extra work. Now we can let go of that and see her as a regular kid, no more or less demanding than any other.
One of my friends expressed relief that Dutch has a much better "fit" with this daycare or this classroom. While this is true, I think the key element of her success at the new place is that it is a better "fit" for EVERY kid. The teachers are trained, they're paid fairly well, and there are plenty of them, so they have time in and out of the classroom to take an extra minute to resolve a problem or preempt a future problem. At the other place, the teachers were pretty much triaging all the time, and they were not able to be flexible and deal with the kids individually. A good daycare makes sure that everyone fits, and that everyone has a positive experience. We are very lucky to have landed in swanky-daycare-land after a brief stint in okay-daycare-land, and it is awful that most people don't.
The fact that we had internalized the previous teachers' perspective on Dutch is alarming, too. Dutch isn't even particularly challenging in a classroom environment. She's a whiny, draggy pain in the ass, yes, but she's not biting anybody or throwing stuff, and she's able to explain herself relatively clearly. There must be lots and lots more families with fewer resources and/or bigger behavior problems who are seeing their children as Problems when all they really need is a better childcare situation. If you start seeing your small child as a Problem, that is inevitably going to color the way you treat her and the expectations you set for her. We came into this new daycare braced for more issues to arise, and when the new teacher looked at me in puzzlement after I mentioned that Dutch had struggled at the previous place, it lifted a weight from my heart. Dutch can now be just the kid who drives ME crazy, instead of the kid who drives EVERYBODY crazy.
One of my friends expressed relief that Dutch has a much better "fit" with this daycare or this classroom. While this is true, I think the key element of her success at the new place is that it is a better "fit" for EVERY kid. The teachers are trained, they're paid fairly well, and there are plenty of them, so they have time in and out of the classroom to take an extra minute to resolve a problem or preempt a future problem. At the other place, the teachers were pretty much triaging all the time, and they were not able to be flexible and deal with the kids individually. A good daycare makes sure that everyone fits, and that everyone has a positive experience. We are very lucky to have landed in swanky-daycare-land after a brief stint in okay-daycare-land, and it is awful that most people don't.
The fact that we had internalized the previous teachers' perspective on Dutch is alarming, too. Dutch isn't even particularly challenging in a classroom environment. She's a whiny, draggy pain in the ass, yes, but she's not biting anybody or throwing stuff, and she's able to explain herself relatively clearly. There must be lots and lots more families with fewer resources and/or bigger behavior problems who are seeing their children as Problems when all they really need is a better childcare situation. If you start seeing your small child as a Problem, that is inevitably going to color the way you treat her and the expectations you set for her. We came into this new daycare braced for more issues to arise, and when the new teacher looked at me in puzzlement after I mentioned that Dutch had struggled at the previous place, it lifted a weight from my heart. Dutch can now be just the kid who drives ME crazy, instead of the kid who drives EVERYBODY crazy.
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