Tomato, tomahto, potato potahto...

The other day I found myself talking about parenting with a friend,* and I went trundling off on the topic of the weirdness of parenting a Person. Dutch is a kid, obviously, and prone to the usual kid annoyances (tantrums, whining, non sequiturs, etc), but she's also turning up, as she grows, with some behaviors and interests that are clearly based in permanent parts of her personality. There are very minor things - she likes strawberry ice cream, a completely unreasonable preference that I fear will outlast her current passion for all things pink. There are bigger things (I'm not going to list them, because I'm beginning to think I need to respect her privacy more, and not describe her personality all over the internets). Sometimes she annoys me or embarasses me. Sometimes I'm not even sure that I like this Person. She's as different from me as I am from my own mother (of whom I am very fond, and whom I no doubt irritate and embarass on a regular basis, though she would never say so). 

I think I  somehow expected that my child, though of course imperfect and subject to toddler and teen tantrums, would inevitably turn out to be a person with whom I had a great deal in common, and yet was better, like a new and improved version of me (with, of course, some of my husband's characteristics that I most like thrown in). This has not come to pass. I see quite a bit that we have in common,** but she's clearly not any sort of version of me or of Cook. I have to respect that, and leave space for her to be herself, and try not to constrain her with my embarassment or disapproval.*** It's really hard for me to do, which is a character flaw that hopefully she didn't inherit, and I'm trying to do better at it. Hey, look,  a resolution for 2009! Happy new year!

*I try not to do this too much, but damnit, she's such a good listener and so thoughtful, and I couldn't help myself. 

** We both like pickles!

*** Within reason. I reserve the right to disapprove when she says that people are only beautiful if they wear fancy dresses.