Mind-body
Dutch gets anxiety stomach aches. She's been having them for a few months, on and off, but just in the last few weeks they've gotten worse, and occasionally seem to be really painful - her teacher actually called me about it during exams a few weeks ago, and I had to go pick her up early from daycare. I'm fairly confident that they're stress-related and not based in some physiological problem. The internets indicate that it's pretty common for kids to get them, and that there's really nothing to do but wait this stage out.
If I'd heard, five years ago, of a four-year-old child having anxiety stomach aches, I would have been sympathetic but secretly would have assumed that the parents must be screwing this poor kid up. Clearly, they're putting too much pressure on the kid! Or they're hypochondriacs! From my current vantage point, I can say that Dutch is definitely feeling pressure, and we're surely contributing, but I don't actually think we're doing anything seriously wrong. (And I would like to point out that Cook and I almost never complain of stomach aches, or could be in any way described as hypochondriacs....) She wants to be a Big Girl right now, and we're praising her for doing that, which reinforces the idea that it's desirable. She has inherited the sort of perfectionist/pessimist personality that perceives any kind of inadequacy as a total disaster. So when she Fails To Be A Big Girl, she feels bad about it. And she knows Baby X is imminent, and I'm sure she's feeling some anxiety about that. (I sure am.) Plus, when she has to go to daycare every morning, she feels worried about the social situations she knows will come up in the course of the day. There's lots of excluding going on, and lots of social maneuvering, and she is deeply engaged with it and invested in it (and does at least her share of excluding and stressing out the other kids). She has a lot of fun at daycare, and I'm sure will miss it terribly over the summer, but it's also a source of stress. All of this, plus the tremendous stimulation of modern life, is kind of a lot for one small brain. So she's moved it to her stomach, which actually seems like a fairly reasonable response. Not that it feels reasonable at 8 AM when I'm trying to pry her out the door and she's doubled over in (genuine) pain.
I floated this theory by Dutch, by the way - "Honey, I think your brain is worried about something, and it's making your stomach feel bad" - and she immediately opined that I was probably right. So now we talk about her brain-bellyaches. That doesn't make it any better, but at least we've got a way to identify and legitimize what she's feeling. Now if only I didn't still feel vaguely guilty about it, that would be nice.
If I'd heard, five years ago, of a four-year-old child having anxiety stomach aches, I would have been sympathetic but secretly would have assumed that the parents must be screwing this poor kid up. Clearly, they're putting too much pressure on the kid! Or they're hypochondriacs! From my current vantage point, I can say that Dutch is definitely feeling pressure, and we're surely contributing, but I don't actually think we're doing anything seriously wrong. (And I would like to point out that Cook and I almost never complain of stomach aches, or could be in any way described as hypochondriacs....) She wants to be a Big Girl right now, and we're praising her for doing that, which reinforces the idea that it's desirable. She has inherited the sort of perfectionist/pessimist personality that perceives any kind of inadequacy as a total disaster. So when she Fails To Be A Big Girl, she feels bad about it. And she knows Baby X is imminent, and I'm sure she's feeling some anxiety about that. (I sure am.) Plus, when she has to go to daycare every morning, she feels worried about the social situations she knows will come up in the course of the day. There's lots of excluding going on, and lots of social maneuvering, and she is deeply engaged with it and invested in it (and does at least her share of excluding and stressing out the other kids). She has a lot of fun at daycare, and I'm sure will miss it terribly over the summer, but it's also a source of stress. All of this, plus the tremendous stimulation of modern life, is kind of a lot for one small brain. So she's moved it to her stomach, which actually seems like a fairly reasonable response. Not that it feels reasonable at 8 AM when I'm trying to pry her out the door and she's doubled over in (genuine) pain.
I floated this theory by Dutch, by the way - "Honey, I think your brain is worried about something, and it's making your stomach feel bad" - and she immediately opined that I was probably right. So now we talk about her brain-bellyaches. That doesn't make it any better, but at least we've got a way to identify and legitimize what she's feeling. Now if only I didn't still feel vaguely guilty about it, that would be nice.
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