Care and Feeding Tips

So - the parenting book on introverts! It was really interesting, and has already been helpful. What it really helped me with was to underline that yes, Dutch is introverted, and that is just the way she is. Introvertedness more or less includes the following traits: needs time alone to recharge, feels drained rather than energized by social interactions, is good at listening, has a hard time with situations that require quick answers and short-term memory, gets really absorbed in projects, struggles with transitions, and wants to stay safely home all the time. (The book also pointed out that introverts are not very welcome in American culture, and would probably have an easier time in places like Japan, where they value subtlety and quiet and the ability to read people.) This is was good because it reminded me that she is who she is, and my job is to help her thrive, both by forcing the world to accomodate her and teaching her to fit into the world. She will need to learn some skills that will be hard for her (in a way that they were not hard for me), and I will need to fight for her sometimes. I will also have to pry her out of the house occasionally. (I, as the least introverted person in our small family, often have to be the prying force to get all of us out. It's easy for introverts to forget that they do enjoy doing things outside the home, and talking to friends. I tend to forget that myself, and now I have TWO people in tow who have an awful lot of inertia. God help us if we have another kid who turns out to be an introvert - we'll never leave home at all.)

Anyway, this reminded me also to be sad and then proactive about Dutch's daycare, where they have hardly any toys for imaginative/dramatic play, very little time for such pursuits, no hideaways for quiet retreat, and teachers who specialize in calming and entertaining rowdy extroverts rather than encouraging introverts to feel good about their abilities to listen and concentrate. So I have to gird my loins and go in and talk to the teachers and the daycare director, to point out that Dutch is not going to change, and everyone will be happier if they can just remember that she is not a rowdy extrovert.

The final thing the book clarified for me that Cook is at the far end of the introversion scale. The jury is still out on Dutch's place on the continuum, but I think we can wrap up Cook's personality label and put it on the shelf. Maybe we should all move to Japan.