The Many Faces of Mommy

One of the weirdest things about my experience of parenting is how quickly I find myself changing my mood/attitude. I will say something mean to Dutch in an Evil Cold voice ("Fine! Just sit here in your poopy diaper!") and thirty seconds later be laughing at something she said (like saying "ka" instead of "ex" - as in "My dolls are going to kasplore this barn! Did my diaper kasplode?"). Thirty seconds after that I'm angry at her again, and then at the end of the second minute of my emotional rollercoaster ride, I'm completely charmed when she pats my hand and calls me "sweety pie". I had no idea I was capable of this kind of volatility. It makes Cook a little nervous, I think - he does occasionally do the Evil Cold Voice thing, but generally is more even-keeled than I am, and when he witnesses me do my Evil Cold thing and then take a quick trip into the role of Loving Nurturer, he seems kind of taken aback. Understandably. He had no idea that I am both mean and crazy, I'm sure.

I guess, though, that it's just another fun thing I've learned about myself in the experience of parenting. For example, the alarming re-emergence of Evil Cold Me, who had been more or less in hibernation since adolescence (though she is guaranteed to make an appearance when I see my family members, luckily for them) until I entered parenthood, which often seems like my second adolescence. Hormones, mood swings, constantly changing demands on me, TERRIBLE unfairness, clothes all over the floor, anxiety about the future, etc. But this time I have (just barely) the emotional maturity not to blame my problems on my loved ones, and (best of all), I have someone in my life to call me sweety pie and pat my hand, to remind me that I am more than just Evil Cold Me. (I contain multitudes!)