oh, the fear
Today I was riding the bus home, thinking about life,* and the bus passed Dutch's school. She was at school still for her after-school Spanish class (I was heading further west to pick up Skipper at preschool), and I craned my neck, hoping to catch a glimpse of her in the classroom. I didn't see her, but I started thinking about her, particularly her crazy-ass moods, and her near-total lack of self-censorship. As much as her blabber-mouth approach to life drives me crazy, it's going to be a sad day when the endless river of words dries up. It's sad to think of Dutch putting herself in hiding, holding back from the judgmental world of adolescence. I wonder when it'll happen - four years? Less? Maybe never, and my kid will always be loud and crazy. Part of me wishes for that.
I have a friend here whose daughter is a few months older than Dutch, and she's Dutch's opposite in many ways - totally disinterested in pleasing people other than herself. This has cons, obviously, and I expect will make things hard for her in school and other social environments for a while. But I can see that she is going to do really well in life, this kid - she's not afraid to take what she wants (but she's not a sociopath or anything - just kind of impervious to criticism). People like that seem to thrive. I am afraid that Dutch is getting too indoctrinated into the idea that she must be a Good Girl. At school, she likes to volunteer to help out, and clean up messes she didn't make. It makes me nervous - girls always have to be Good Girls, and being a Good Girl never got anybody anywhere that I know of. This is an old story in my parenting of Dutch. I want her to be well-behaved and sensitive to other people, but I'm deeply divided over the fact that I'm teaching her to be compliant, careful of other people's feelings, and generous. It's pretty easy to go from there into self-sacrifice and being seriously taken advantage of. So... anyway. Her adolescence is going to be scary for me. (Do I have to remind you that my children's lives are ALL ABOUT ME?! Isn't everything?)
In semi-related news, Dutch is having her birthday party soon.** She's decided to invite four kids, and two of them are boys, including the boy who's become pretty much her best friend this year. He's loud and nerdy. Dutch seems to have a type, because all the boys she likes best are loud, bossy, self-important nerds. I'm beginning to consider my future as a mother-in-law, and I have some concerns.
* I do that on the bus. Today I looked out the window a lot, and I noticed, for the first time, a strip club called "The Pitiful Princess." Isn't that the saddest strip club name ever?
** Seven. SEVEN!!!!!
I have a friend here whose daughter is a few months older than Dutch, and she's Dutch's opposite in many ways - totally disinterested in pleasing people other than herself. This has cons, obviously, and I expect will make things hard for her in school and other social environments for a while. But I can see that she is going to do really well in life, this kid - she's not afraid to take what she wants (but she's not a sociopath or anything - just kind of impervious to criticism). People like that seem to thrive. I am afraid that Dutch is getting too indoctrinated into the idea that she must be a Good Girl. At school, she likes to volunteer to help out, and clean up messes she didn't make. It makes me nervous - girls always have to be Good Girls, and being a Good Girl never got anybody anywhere that I know of. This is an old story in my parenting of Dutch. I want her to be well-behaved and sensitive to other people, but I'm deeply divided over the fact that I'm teaching her to be compliant, careful of other people's feelings, and generous. It's pretty easy to go from there into self-sacrifice and being seriously taken advantage of. So... anyway. Her adolescence is going to be scary for me. (Do I have to remind you that my children's lives are ALL ABOUT ME?! Isn't everything?)
In semi-related news, Dutch is having her birthday party soon.** She's decided to invite four kids, and two of them are boys, including the boy who's become pretty much her best friend this year. He's loud and nerdy. Dutch seems to have a type, because all the boys she likes best are loud, bossy, self-important nerds. I'm beginning to consider my future as a mother-in-law, and I have some concerns.
* I do that on the bus. Today I looked out the window a lot, and I noticed, for the first time, a strip club called "The Pitiful Princess." Isn't that the saddest strip club name ever?
** Seven. SEVEN!!!!!
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