Feathers

Friday night, Dutch went on a sleepover. A SLEEPOVER! Best Friend invited her. They'd been stewing over the idea for months, and I'd been dragging my feet. Almost-five is very very old and sophisticated, of course, but I'd thought sleepovers would start when she was more like seven. Dutch had never spent the night away from us before, and I was skeptical that she'd be up to it.

Dutch and I talked a lot about what sleepovers entail, how she might miss us, what she might do if she missed us, etc. Dutch was confident she'd be fine. She left at 5, very excited. At 8:30 (an hour after they went to bed), we got The Call - Dutch still wanted to stay for the night, but was very sad and wanted to talk to me. She was almost unable to talk, because of the tears backed up in her little body, and managed only to choke out one of the most heart-breaking paragraphs in the history of my life with Dutch: "Mama, I MISS you! I WANT you! I NEED YOU!!!" And then she left the phone, because she was so desperately sad. I almost burst into tears myself. But she told Best Friend's mom that she wanted to stay, and Best Friend's mom challenged the two girls to race to be the first one to fall asleep. That was that.

We didn't hear from them again until I finally called to check in at mid-morning. Apparently, the first thing Dutch said on waking was "I LOVE sleepovers!" They made waffles and watched "Pinocchio" and Dutch bragged about how brave she was to sleep over. All was well until Dutch had the come-aparts and had to be rushed home around noon. She was exhausted and grumpy when she got home, and started crying all over again. Much cuddling was administered.

I remember my first sleepover. I don't know how old I was, but I remember how stressed out I was after the other kids fell asleep. I thought I was going to be alone and awake ALL NIGHT. I waited some excruciatingly long time, possibly five minutes, and finally went down the hall for comfort from my host's parents. In the morning, I felt immensely proud of myself, like I'd survived some tremendously strenuous rite of passage. Then I discovered the true beauty of sleepovers - you're briefly immersed in another family's life, which is in some ways better and in some ways worse than your family's. This is a valuable lesson, and builds all sorts of character and whatnot. AND if the other family eats Honey Nut Cheerios (and your family only has regular bland Cheerios) for breakfast, you're in clover.

What I did not expect was how much I would miss Dutch. It was different than being away from home while she's here with Cook. It was fine in the evening, when it was just remarkably quiet in the apartment. We got to spend some quality time with Skipper, which was very nice. But Dutch's empty bedroom really unnerved me. I had a harder time sleeping than Dutch did. When the girl herself arrived home, she smelled all wrong, like somebody else's house.

That's the story of Dutch's latest step toward adulthood, which is also, of course, a step away from me. So, you know... kind of bittersweet.